The future is daunting.
As time closes in and passes
I'm starting to ask myself...
What am I doing now?
If I really want architecture as my future
shouldn't I be making more effort to secure it?
Knowing that my results aren't good enough and etc.
Shouldn't I be looking for schools and scholarships for that?
I suddenly feel the need to work harder and just do it for the sake of something you really want.
It also suddenly became a question for me.
Am I killing myself for something that may not be meant for me?
Am I pursuing something that probably isn't meant to be?
Really.
I start to wonder.
Then again
I'm a person who love challenges but also gives in to intimidation.
Before you even try and you give up, that's the worst thing that can ever happen.
I'm never satisfied with the simplest of things and want to achieve better than I can give
But I always end up giving in to fear of failure.
I will always remember what Ernest told me
It's really about whether you are willing to put your life to the career you when
that even if life becomes like shitty and hellish you will still pull through
and embrace them all.
You love it so much that whatever comes your way
you're gonna pull through.
That really changed my perspective.
Will I be willing to put my ass off and work for something I love?
Hell yeah I would.
No second thoughts
But can I pull through failures and criticisms?
I doubt so. I fear and my pride resist it.
If there's anything I need to do now
I need to be disciplined.
I need to be focused.
I need to challenge myself and my fear.
I need to be confidence.
I need to make decisions like a man.
I can't define maturity.
I've realized maturity isn't define by what others think of you
saying you're a good boy or good person.
People say that when you're still a child.
But I'm no longer a child.
Children can refuse decision making
An adult can't.
That means I can't.
So maturity is different now.
It's probably more about making a stand for what you love and those decisions may not be right
but at least you made a decision.
It's about making most of the right decisions at the right time.
Yeah.
I realized I have a long way to go.
A long, long way to go.
I have to toughen up.
I have to grow up.
I have to learn and really follow what I love.
That time has to be now.