I find myself really emotional

when it comes to nature

and all these global issues..

I don't know why.

I can get really upset and disheartened by

some of the on-going mistakes that we are refusing to change.

We have rights

but that doesn't mean we decide what to do

with animals all the time.

Unless with specific reasons, that's unacceptable.

But we let our greed take over

and that's it. We hurt them more than they hurt us.

Can we imagine

what if we switched places?

Can we imagine

ourselves locked up in cages

Can we imagine

Our ears being cut off just like shark fins are cut off - Alive.

Can we imagine

ourselves being skinned alive just like how fur are obtained?

Can we imagine

ourselves being deprived in such a way even?

It's... hard to even imagine it.

All the fear in you. That desire to stay alive.

That is probably what goes through these animals' minds

Too bad

They can't speak.

We may never know.

For that, we never learn to understand them.

But if we try...

if we try.

We can make a difference.

You will never know...

until we actually try.

I have a lot in mind.

But I am not going to tell them here.

Ironic huh?

Because this is my blog yet I am not typing my feelings here.

There's bound to be disagreement

and

I don't really want that.

I don't hate human beings.

No, I don't.

I love my family.

I love my friends.

I love people who are out there to make a difference.

I am probably not the type to express my feelings that well.

But I have my ways of showing concern.

Just not so straight-forward.

In any case, why do I seem to be so pessimistic towards human?

First of all, let me clarify.

I don't hate human beings totally.

I am just stating my opinion.

Most of us are selfish, admit it.

I am a selfish person.

But that doesn't mean that I think that everyone is.

Everyday, there's probably someone out there

trying to make a difference among the billions of people living on this planet.

Look at this world, how many of these problems are actually not caused by us?

I would be surprised if you could even name me a few.

The thing is

I am not trying to say all of us are bastards, assholes

what-have-we-done-to-this-world-for-crying-out-loud crap.

Because as I talk, does it make a difference?

No it doesn't.

Think logically.

We get meat from poultry.

We get herbs from plants.

We get milk from cow, shark fins, animal skins for clothings whatever.

Animals and mother nature gave us all these.

What do we give back in return?

To put it nicely, they gave us.

But in reality, we took it.

While they have been giving and we have been taking, we are the ruler.

It's ironic isn't it?

I am being realistic.

I am admitting mistakes before it's too late to even do anything.

Sometimes I feel sad because

we really destroy things without having to understand them.

It's not just in mother nature.

We sometimes get too upset over issues that lead to some

problems in life.

It's the same thing.

It's hard to say anything here.

It's just too complicated an issue.

That's all people.

Good night.

It's been one after another.

I've been learning so many things

within such a short span in time.

From blowing my top

to having a friend and a few adults

enlightening me about the realities of life.

They aren't anything bad.

In fact, I've learnt so much.

From dealing with things in a more mature way

to learning about the responsibility of being an adult.

All these come with one simple attribute -

experience

As of now,

I guess I am just an apprentice of life.

I do feel the change in myself

the more mature way of seeing things.

But only if the people around me feel it as well

that's when it truly matters.

Here I would like to say...

I watch documentaries not to degrade human beings

Many of us are selfish, not all.

There are a few out there, desperately voicing out

among the billions of people on this planet.

If you care, don't question what their motives are.

Because we all fear what we do not know.

But if we all take a step forward to learn and understand.

We could make a difference.

I would like to end this post

with a quote I've watched from the movie Sharkwater.

---

Life is amazing.
That is something I truly believe.
But it will only be amazing if you believe in it.

For the past 20 minutes or so
I've been typing and deleting
because I can't seem to express my thoughts.

So now
I guess I am just going to forget about it.
Haha :]

Been watching documentaries
I love them
You see beautiful things and more importantly
they make you think about life.

Starting to watch The Mentalist
It's really interesting and unique
We see different side of the characters
and it isn't as dark as other American dramas.

Been trying to get myself more discipline.
Because this month is going to be awesome
and perfect timing to warm up for p2.

That's all people.
Morning class tomorrow.
Cheers!

I'm always trying to be perfect.

It's about time to change.

Even if it takes for me to

take a step back and lose pride

I will do so.

I just wanna make up for what I did.

Friday evening

Chang Xu called me out to play basketball

and there were only the 2 of us.

I asked him, "why all of a sudden?"

He said he just felt like playing after watching

the NBA finals.

That moment I felt so happy.

Because I wasn't the only one.

Like him, I feel the urge to play whenever

I finished watching some NBA clips or matches.

There's this strong emotion that tempts you to play.

Yeah, I finally found someone who's just like me

Someone as crazy as I am.

I love Ron Artest

I used to hate him because he's always creating trouble

instead of playing.

Then you realize it's not because he hates Kobe.

He's just jealous that Kobe is that good.

But look at them now, they are like best buddies.

What I like about Ron is that

He's so real.

He's just being himself.

I was laughing my ass off as I watched his post-game interview.

You can't helped

but feel happy for him.

He won his first championship

and was genuinely happy about it.

But even that, he did not forget to mentioned

about his past.

That he could have won a ring with the Pacers

when he was younger.

Yet he felt like he walked out on them

and got this ring for himself instead.

Things like that show you what kind of a person he is.

For that,

Ron Artest deserves my respect.

NBA has proven that teamwork

wins you championship.

When you look at the Lakers and Celtics

They are just like a family

the bond and strength they bring to one another

is what brings them closer to the top.

It's really amazing isn't it.

With that

Good night people.

First of all

Really awesome game 7

They came back in the 4th and won the game.

I have to admit, I hate the Celtics

But hey, I also have to admit

They are darn good.

Doc Rivers has been an awesome coach for Celtics.

Really, looking back

Critics were writing that Celtics were too old to contend.

But look at them now.

They knocked down 3 superstars.

What can you really defer from that?

Whatever it is, (sorry i still hate Celtics)

Basketball has been my sweet escape.
Escape from reality for just a few hours of an entire week.

To forget whatever stress and problems I have in life
Just doing what I love on the court.

You know, on the court
You just gotta go out hard and serious

Rebounds, steals, assists, scoring and even defense.
You need to constantly be running, moving around
making yourself useful to get them done.

Its really free out there
Because if you want it, then you gotta go grab it.
And for me, I want it.
What really matters to me most
is that I'm doing something I love out there.

Of course
when the basketball session ends, it's back to reality
I cannot escape it
No one can. You can't run forever.
Some point in time
You gotta face them and come to a conclusion.

I find it hard to put it in words.
Whatever I will say is probably something
everybody knows.

Things about getting a job, earning cash
Helping out the family.
Things about really making a difference now
building stepping stones for your career in the future.
Instead of thinking about basketball all the time.

If you know me well enough
More than half of the time whenever I'm free
I'm either
1) checking NBA news
2) watching NBA mix on youtube
3) Playing real basketball or NBA 2K9
4) watching NBA matches
5) Searching for basketball documentaries or movies

And I know my friends
even my basketball buddies
get annoyed with my overly-passionate side of basketball
They probably just don't answer
or change their topics every time.
But hey I really appreciate them for even listening to me.


My stubborn side is killing me
I can tell.
I know I am learning things the hard way
Even maybe hurting some people along the way.

I am a selfish guy I come to realize.
I am ignorant I come to realize.
Many of the bad things.
It's not really about thinking on the positive now.

Because I think I've been way too positive in life.
Like always thinking I'm nice
I'm friendly
I'm understanding
these and that.

I probably live in such a manner I think everything that happens around me
will never be bad.
I find it hard to accept things, things bad about me.
Not as in I can't take criticisms but
more or less like
"Why am I so selfish? Why am I so..."
Things like that... I will keep thinking about them.

I am like a lost little boy now.
I'm 18 and many things will be coming at me.
Not too many nice ones I will have to think.
I've never been so lost before.

Nothing much to say.
So yeah. Good bye.

Ever since the holidays began..

Some more it ended on a low note.

Things have been coming at me one after another

I feel like I really need a break.

A small break wouldn't hurt... right?

But I guess I can't afford to.

I don't know.

My low self esteem is growing.

I know it's not the time to bring myself down.

It's not the time to be thinking so much.

It's not time to be giving up, the world doesn't stop for me.

I should be thinking about how to get out of all these crap situations.

But the thing is

I have really no idea how.

I am coming to realize myself

as such a selfish individual.

Maybe those conflicts were just my fault?

I really don't know.

I can tell you I am still clear in the head.

I am thinking about how I can solve all these problems.

I even compare myself to the rest

and ask myself, why am I in this state now?

While everyone is happy and focus

I am there, lost and wandering.

It's not that I am emo-ing or whatever

I just don't know what to do.

I can't keep everyone happy.

Furthermore I am making myself feel the worse.

I really just want time alone.

Don't ask me out or anything.

Give me time, don't stress me out.

Lemme get myself out of this crappy state.

And hopefully, I will be my crazy self again.

Still got a brief to work on.

Bye.

Felt better after a good sleep

and ranting on the blog.

Really needed that.

Though I am still a little upset.

I can't hold on to it for too long.

Like I said, anger doesn't do you any good.

You may even get more people upset

when you throw attitude at them unknowingly.

So I just wanna let myself cool down.

And soon enough everything will be fine.

I also happened to find some good websites

where i can get clips of past NBA matches

Been wanting to watch Heat vs Bulls 2OT from last season.

Hopefully I can get my hands on it :D

Bye.

I promised not to swear too much.

Right now...

I don't really wanna give a fuck.

You know

I really wonder if I just happened to be a fucking asshole

or just some fucking easy-going guy?

I go for the Fucking Asshole.

Since that's probably what some of you may think.

Anger is a scary thing

Something that can change anything and make them irreversible.

Because when we are angry, it seems as though the whole world is against us.

But you really wanna know how scary or annoying anger can be?

I am in the PERFECT mood to show you how

So read on and get the fucking message.

First of all, as I am writing this post

I wonder how many people who have read will be offended.

I even had second thoughts but I just went "Nah."

In the first place, This is my fucking blog.

I have all the fucking right to be typing my feelings.

If you guys have the right to be angry

Don't I have it too?

Honestly speaking

I think I am an extremely easy-going guy.

Even the task of asking for money back from someone

seems like a hard task for me.

I will think that I shouldn't be so stingy.

I tolerate things most of the time

even if sometimes when I feel the urge to shoot back

I tell myself

Yup, so I become guilty and there,

everything goes fine after that.

Yeah, so right now I make everything sound as though I'm

the good guy just being nice.

---

Let's say you have a seemingly nice day

and out of the blue

some guy or girl just starts giving you attitude

and makes you ponder why.

At first you ask yourself if you've done anything wrong.

Then you try and clarify and it fails.

Or maybe you think again and have no idea what is really wrong.

Or maybe you think that you didn't even do anything wrong!

Because no matter what it is

This fucking shit call Anger just took over your friend

and to him or her, nobody else is right, only he or she is.

Anger gives us the urge to win

whether or not the consequences will be horrendous.

You won't even feel your heart when you are angry.

You just want the other party to goddamn give in

and let you win the war.

---

Why am I so upset today?

Because I am FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of getting BS.

Maybe I'm too nice?

Or I have flaws I can't see?

Then FUCKING come in my face and tell me

I may get angry but I will make the effort to change.

Don't FUCKING get all upset and throw me attitude

How's that gonna make the situation any better?

It just makes me more upset

Because in the first place I may even think that I've done nothing wrong

and yet I'm getting the fucking attitude from any of you?!

So Tell me

If you were in my fucking shoes

Do you think you deserve to be treated that way

when everything seems to be fine?

Or sometimes maybe some things are minor issues

Or can't be helped yet you get unpleasant comments.

Tell me, honestly

How would any of you feel?

So am I supposed to reverse time for you?

So am I supposed to apologize a million times

or beg you for forgiveness?

So am I supposed to go out there and do anything for you?

FUCK OFF.

I DON'T OWE YOU.

In the first place, if I made the effort to do something

and you are not happy with it

The least you can do is to shut up

or tell me in the nicest way possible

to not repeat the mistake because you are uncomfortable with it.

Or if it can't be helped

then you guys gotta accept it because there is really nothing I can do to change it.

Who gave any of you the right to attitude me?

Do I fucking owe any of you?

Am I your fucking servant?

Selfish? If I am, so are you guys.

Most of the time I choose to keep quiet.

Because I don't want to make things awkward.

I hate awkwardness.

So after saying all those

and any of you happened to be offended by me

I'm guessing you're telling me to fuck off and attitude back.

Now tell me, if I retaliate

does it do you any good?

Do you think you will feel happy to be insulted back?

FUCK NO.

You will just get more annoyed

and there goes the whole cold war thing.

Have any of you maybe thought

that while you've given me attitude

as though I owe it to you

Have I ever given any of you any?

I dare say I have only gotten really angry a few times

my entire life.

The most will be talking back in irritated tone.

I even feel guilty after getting angry because

I may have hurt some people.

So I guess I should have just chosen to get angry back?

Will the other party fucking enjoy it?

Use some fucking brain and think.

There's no fucking way that's possible.

It will just worsen the entire situation.

---

So at the end of it

I may sound like I'm some selfish

or whining fucker

who's thinking that his life is screwed up

by all these small misunderstandings

and trivial issues.

You know what?

I'm no fucking pushover

I'm willing to tolerate as long as things can be solved.

But don't act as though I owe any of you guys my life.

Put yourself in my fucking shoes for once

and understand that while you have your problems

I have mine too.

I hate to get angry.

It's immature.

It's stupid.

It' doesn't make things any better.

While I can choose to say "FUCK MY LIFE"

I could have done something more meaningful.

My life isn't fucked up.

I can still eat and sleep well.

Look at those poor kids.

They have so much to worry about survival before even thinking about life.

While we are all fucking alive now

Shouldn't we be more appreciative of life?

Shouldn't we be more understanding?

Instead of winning these "wars"

shouldn't we be doing something more meaningful?

Because you don't fucking appreciate your life

You might as well fucking give it to someone else

who would appreciate it more.

I have no one else to turn to.

So I had to rant here.

I don't need anyone to come up to me

and tell me that I've fucking offended them with this post.

I don't give a shit.

If you can attitude, so can I.

At the end of all these

If any of you happened to be offended

Then I'm afraid you didn't learn anything.

But if any of you understand

how anger can be such a selfish and dumb thing

Then please

Do your best to control it.

I'm going to sleep

and let life go on as per normal.

I'm going to forget and start doing something more meaningful.

as long as I don't let this fucking thing call anger take over me.

First of all.

I am really starting to love my class people.

I mean it.

I am not a competitive person, in fact, I hate competitiveness.
(Unless it's basketball XD)

I don't really care if they are better or lousier than me.

If I see the good in them, I will treasure them.

I used to be such an emo and act cool guy in secondary school.

I'm the total opposite now.

I like to disturb people a lot. :D

But of course, I will be serious whenever they need help.

So. I am still me :D

However, let's move into a more deep topic.

This have been on my mind for so long.

I'm pretty sure everyone knows how hard it is to get along with everyone.

I mean when you realized that there are different views

it's obvious people will stray from each other.

I like the people I hang out with.

But sometimes I hear disheartening things

about others.

Maybe things like certain people not liking my friends

or constantly giving strange looks.

Of course, the standard solution is

ignore and hostile to them.

But I can't help but ponder and even get angry.

Who are they to judge us or give us looks?

To me, even if I don't know someone well enough

It doesn't mean I have the right to judge them.

Even if we hardly talk, I will still treat you with respect.

Because I don't know you well enough, that's all.

I have to admit. I am a judgmental person

and not a lot of people know that.

I judge people on first impressions but I will never say them out.

I will keep it to myself and tell myself

Sometimes I really hate how this society works.

Yes we need to work hard because we need to know

rewards are to be earned and not given.

But this society has gone on a pace so fast

people probably have no idea what's going on anymore.

We are constantly out there

fighting for survival.

We let work decide our lives

We forgot about people around us.

We forgot about ourselves even.

I really have no right to be saying all these

I know that.

I need to remind myself that I've said all these

I need to work harder.

Because then do I have the right to be saying all those.

I constantly wonder about my dream of helping people.
But in reality, I haven't really done real charity work.
As in helping orphanages or old folks home.
That's probably gonna be my first step to this dream.
jia you!