No matter what happens. Just don't give up.

I guess time and time again
I just can't help but question myself.

Sometimes I stray away from who I am.
Sometimes I am who I am.
Most of the time I am just not satisfied with who I am.

I am pretty much a thinker and introvert. So at times I really question myself why can't I be a little more outgoing and crazy. Then again, I feel that I actually talk a lot lately, and I feel like I should just keep quiet. Sometimes not saying anything is the best... at least comfortable for me.

Anyway, I have some plans drawn up.
I'm going to start exercising again.
I'm planning to be a volunteer at that Hospice.
For those who aren't sure of what it is, here it is from the website:

Hospice and palliative care is a holistic approach to caring for patients going through the last stages of their lives.

It aims to meet all needs (physical, emotional, psychosocial and spiritual) so as to alleviate suffering and maximise quality of life for patients and their loved ones.

I have to go through interview for that. It's going to be an experience for me but more importantly I think it's worth it because it's good knowing that you can still contribute something to another person's life.
I've asked my mom and although she rejected the idea, it was a weak rejection.
So I will take it as a Yes.

Meanwhile I still need to get a job.
Jeff is right, I mean I can't be this soft at my age.
You learn when you go through hardship and at my age the more it should be that way.

So yeah.
Doing some more work before sleeping.
Good night people.

Listening to Nelly's "Just a Dream"

Today's yet another unproductive day.
To think of it, I actually slacked through an entire 5 days already.
Gotta start work real soon. as long as I stay motivated I hope.

I really feel that when I am constantly reminded of my motivation, I will perform the best.

Anyway, I finished 20 episodes of Running Man so I need to get the rest from Emmanuel or Kosol.
The Heat also beat the Lakers for the second time this season.
Was a solid effort from the entire team and we only hope for that to continue.

The more shocking news though...
was Japan getting hit by a major earthquake that resulted in a Tsunami.

I understand that earthquakes and tsunamis are common in Japan but the fact that it was a 8.8 magnitude quake that triggered a 10m high tsunami is really shocking.
I just pray that Japan can do their best to minimize the aftermath now.
Pray for japan people.

We also got to see the seniors' final year work.
I know it can be a source of motivation but the last time I tried, I screwed up (P2)
I can only question myself... am I really ready for Year 3?
I can only move forward.
Just keep trying. Sooner or later I hope I can be proud of my final year work when I do put it up there.

Bye people.
Pray for Japan!

I wasted 2 days playing games and watching videos.
When I thought back, I realized I should have just borrowed books and read.
That way, I could have spent more time in a more meaningful way.

I went back to my secondary school self and regained my interest in documentaries
I'm gonna watch Home, Earth, Oceans and planet earth.
Then, that was when I started questioning myself more about the future.

As Singaporeans, we all know how safe Singapore really is.
Even tourists or the foreigners can feel that.
However, to say honestly, I've long wanted to travel since secondary school.
Not to have fun but to gain experience and be more of a volunteer.

I still remembered in sec 4 where Miss Yap organised a trip to ChiangMai to help the children over there.
Only the sec 3s could go because they had the time to do so.
Banjamin and I actually went up to Miss Yap and asked if we could go along.
But due to the upcoming Os, we really couldn't go.
We were disappointed but at least we tried.
Looking back at it, I really admired what I did back then.
At least I had the heart and was concerned about the issue.

I love Miss Yap.
She can be a little aggressive at times but the passion she always carried in her
was so heartfelt.
She was truly concerned about the nature and earth and from that I learned.

Back to the topic.
Singapore is safe, no doubt about it.
But after thinking about it, I would really travel over the world to help the unfortunate.
Even if it means risking my life or so, I would do it.
I would choose to leave.

It sounds stupid but really, take a look around you.
While we can have fun and make choices, there are really people out there suffering.
I try to sound like a hero but it is the truth I speak.
I have options and I would choose to help.
It sucks to know something is happening and yet not being able to help.

But as of now,
I will continue to work hard for my studies
and while I cannot be overseas to volunteer, I can help Singapore's unfortunate still.
There's always people in need of help everywhere.
I can always start from here.

Here I promise myself.
When I have the power to do so, I will leave.
I will travel abroad and help others.
Because I just feel that life can be more meaningful when you do contribute and impact others.

What I did today:
- Went out job-hunting (but failed)
- 2 rounds of NBA 2K with the new albys roster
- watched Black Hawk Down for the third time
- Watched Running Man ep. 12 with Mcdonald as supper

After watching BHD again, I just couldn't help but reminiscent about the past years.
where I loved geography, dreamt about traveling and watching documentaries.
While BHD is just a movie, it was still based on real life events.
It happened in Mogadishu, Somalia, where a short mission ended up becoming an overnight one and 19 US soldiers died. What's even more sad was that over a 1000 somalia militia soldiers died too.
While the numbers are shocking, the fact that you realized all these happened is just saddening.
While it may be complicated because it was a civil unrest, people are killing each other because of the inability to be on a same mindset and agreement.

While I am sure most of us, after watching the movie, would comment about the graphics or which scene was very nerve-wrecking. I just can't help but think that I am so damn fortunate.
I never had to grow up seeing guns.
I never had to grow up thinking about food.
I never had to grow up seeing blood and death.

I never had to grow up worrying about possibly never getting to see tomorrow ever again.

I am just so damn fortunate... Very.

Call me sensitive, like I always have been, but I am right am I not?
Think about it again, it's so true of what I speak.

This is what I have to say.
Never question why others can be passionate about caring for others.
If you can't understand them then don't.
While they do their parts by sacrificing, you can just do yours by embracing your own life.
Nobody's wrong actually, as long as you understand and value what you have.

I have more plans for myself.
I need to stop eating unhealthy food.
I need to start exercising.
Watch more documentaries, read more books, educate myself more.

Education is very important.
But they don't come in just text and books.
They can be through observation and just the willingness to think more.

Because without them, human emotions can never be tamed.

Listening to Derrick Hoh's "當我知道你們相愛"
I personally like the music of this song. Very smooth-paced yet catchy.

I often question my introvert personality because in design school
there is somewhat of a trend for design students to be more outgoing and friendly.
So that's why I question myself, "Why am I like this?"

However, I think eventually the answer is that I am who I am.
I may not be too outgoing or fun, but who cares?
I am comfortable with it and if it doesn't hurt anyone then it's no big deal.
Having a lot of friends will be great now and for the future.
But having good friends are also important and when I look back,
I really do feel that I have great friends by my side.
I can still choose to treasure them can't I?

I have a 12 year friend in Banjamin.
Although most of the time he does the talking, we still can confide in each other and joke around with all the lame jokes.
I have a 7 year friend in JinYi.
Although we get annoyed with each other sometimes, we still have many things to talk about.
I also have great friends in Benedict, Gwen and Fendy.
Besides that, my basketball kakis are also good friends.
I may not be close with all of them but I do know that when we are all together, we never stop talking crap and suanning one another.
These are the guys I will stick by for so long in the future so I shouldn't be thinking that much isn't it.

And in poly I realize I can talk with quite a lot of people in IAD.
I can hang out with Azure and gang.
I sometimes eat out with Jun Sheng and gang.
I can also talk with Natalie, Pamela and gang.

I think at the end of everything.
I should just be who I am.
Because if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.

Yeah. so be it.

Listening to Lady Antebellum's "Ready to love again"
It gave me the secondary school feeling again.

I mean there really is a difference between how you feel in poly and sec school.
Maybe because of the different priorities, the feeling you get in poly is more of a serious tone.
Whereas in secondary school, it's more about reminiscence and where you experience many things to come in future, mainly relationships.

I think for me, secondary school days were still the more carefree days ever.
Where I would always play basketball after lessons
Go out with the NP people for dinner occasionally
Constantly daydreaming that I could be in another country because I had a passion for geography.
Also watching documentaries and never failed to get inspired.

Those days are over and you really wished they could last longer.
Now in poly, the priorities are narrowed and my main focus should be working hard.
Time flies really fast and in a month's time I will be entering my most crucial stage in poly life.
There will be tons of stressful moments with projects coming along and also possibly an overseas internship.

I was actually panicking when thinking about the OSIP interview around april.
I was thinking how I could impress the people and also my lack of confidence.
But I guess I shouldn't be thinking so much.
Suhan already gave me the green light by selecting me as one of the nominees
The best solution is to embrace the opportunity and just do my best out there.

It goes the same to the JC people out there.
I will never understand the hardship you guys went through just to pass a freaking exam in 2 years.
Some of you did well whereas others didn't.
It's okay to feel sad but after that get over it.
What done is done, find the best moves next and execute them.
Because when you look back, you would only realize that the best way was to pick yourself up again and keep on striving.
Just don't give up.

At the same time, I've made a few more decisions yesterday.
1) I found a work for stocktaking during my hols. Will be doing that with Yinchow, kartika, melissa and huimin. After that need to keep on job hunting still.
2) Most likely I will give myself a double module by updating my portfolio again. There were spelling mistakes in the previous so obviously I need to reprint a new one. Furthermore, I will be doing this for an OSIP interview so the more I should do it professionally.

So yeah, just keep on striving people.

Listening to Show Luo's "拼什麼" (what am I fighting for?)
Think it relates to my past and current situation even though its just schooling.

As you grow up more and more, you realize the competitiveness of this world.
Take Singapore for example... especially at the JC/POLY level it really becomes a blow in your face.
That's why so many of us probably miss our secondary school days.
Even I do.

JC people would have to study really hard and that one exam at the end of two years would determine the outcome.
Poly people have to work hard from the start, like a process itself, and pace themselves to a brighter future...
Honestly speaking I feel that the JC people have a harder time coping.

I think for the past months my hard work has paid off.
Or I would say my tougher mentality has been working for me.
Portfolio development would be a first step and VPres was my first success in a while.
Creative Writing sparked everything off and I did pretty decent for Design Practice too i guess.
Then the real Portfolio Preparation was good, except for the fact that I probably lost 20% due to late submission.
All in all it's been a great semester.

To top it all, the course trip to Spain and being selected for OSIP really pumps me up.
The Spain trip will be a educational trip besides all the fun and eating.
The OSIP (Overseas Internship) will be the real eye-opener and I just want to say I am humbled to be part of something this special.

I can say I am lucky for all these but at the same time i really wanna dedicate this to all the people who helped me and toughen me up.

My friends had shown me the results of working hard and not giving up.
My lecturers had been inspiring.
Alan encouraged me and continuously told me to not procrastinate (though I still do) but most of all, never giving up.
Ernest enlightened me with the concept of learning and experiencing things, no matter how shitty they get, you still learn something. It's not everyday you get to even do something like that.

Last but not least my parents have been my motivation and support.
My mom is willing to pay for my Spain trip and even my uncle in Taiwan is willing to lend us money for that.
My brothers are also supportive of this.
I just really wanna do well and not waste all their efforts for pushing me this far.

Haha I think this post is like really dedicated to everyone else who's paced me to where I am now.
Just gotta continue and work hard.

Fighting!
Good night people.