It's been a while since i blogged.
This post will be long.
there's many thoughts in my mind.
many of which
made me understand myself even more.
---
Benny returned today
so Jinyi, gwen and fendy went out too.
I have to be truthful
maybe all the time we weren't able to hang out together
we sort of drifted.
Maybe Benny's tired from the flight.
Maybe all of us were just tired today.
But we are drifting and we know it.
I may not express well through words but
I definitely want to keep this friendship.
It's a process.
It's maturity, the process of growing up and understanding
each other more.
that maybe the us during 16 years old were mirages.
they were who we used to be, but not the real us.
That we only realized now
that maybe we shouldn't had been that close.
that it was all a mistake.
but to come this far, it says something.
Something that hopefully will last in years to come.
---
It all started with a small chat Azure, Andrew and I had.
What we wanted for our future and all.
I suddenly ask myself
if Architecture is the right thing for me.
Architecture doesn't make you money
it drives you insane with lack of sleep
it deprives you of freedom
it makes you a workaholic
all of that and in return is a simple satisfaction
of seeing your dreams coming to life.
It's passion that drives architects.
the question is, are you satisfied with just that passion and sense of achievement?
That you are willing to put in months of hard work
just to see your dreams come to life.
Maybe you can enjoy that for a day
but after that you move on.
The cycle repeats itself.
I thought about that and
i have to agree with what ernest said.
That we shouldn't think so far ahead.
Motto is simple.
Be better than yesterday.
yes. easy to say.
hard to achieve.
I realized part of me likes to see nice and interesting houses.
maybe everyone else does.
I realized that part of me like the solitary and office feel of working
in a studio for architects
maybe that's only in tv shows and never in real life.
Maybe I'm just dreaming.
Maybe I'm not.
I came to realize something
that maybe my desire to be engulf in work
is because I know I am a loner
that I don't like to be involved in crazy parties
and that I am not that fun of a person
It's because I only feel useful when I do my work
It's because the only way I can feel good about myself is being
committed to working hard.
Sometimes I feel really like a loser
because everyone else is always hanging out with friends
having fun, playing and enjoying themselves
yet I'd rather locked myself in a studio to do my work
Like I'm a real outcast and friendless.
It sounds really sad actually.
But that's just the way I am.
That's just it.
---
As you hear and see more things
you come to realize how fortunate of a person you are.
I have so many friends whose went through worst times than I did.
Sometimes I feel the need to strangle myself
of how much I had wasted my time on meaningless stuff.
But life is like these, nobody can be serious all the way
unless he is really that amazing of a person.
My dad came back from his China trip.
he was sick and that the next day he'd probably need to help out my mom for work
there I was thinking.
The day after a short break in China and he needs to work
How tiring is that?
to work immediately after holidays.
Then I thought of my mom
she's working hard I know
and then I remembered... She's 50.
probably 51 and she's working so hard.
I suddenly felt pitiful
That they had to be working so hard at their age.
At that point in time I really wanted
to take them out.
To bring them to have fun outside.
That the only way to do so is to work hard
and provide enough to bring them out
just to have fun and see the nicer places on earth.
It could've been my motivation
That I wanted them to enjoy themselves
after working so hard even at their age.
I feel bad.
even now.
I took so many things for granted.
Yet I'm slacking much.
I will regret I know
when they are probably gone
(touch wood. slap yourself YongXi.)
That I didn't do my best
to make it up to them
to repay them for all the years they put in
to raise me and my brothers.
In these few days I've really been thinking.
I just really hope that I can do my best
To be a better person
To be a successful person
To be a better son.
To be someone worthwhile
No, I don't yearn to be someone significant
but at least
to repay those whose make a difference in my life.
Yeah. that's it.
18 and still learning.
Maybe I haven't found out more things about myself
I know I will
and hopefully better of myself.
Good night.
This post will be long.
there's many thoughts in my mind.
many of which
made me understand myself even more.
---
Benny returned today
so Jinyi, gwen and fendy went out too.
I have to be truthful
maybe all the time we weren't able to hang out together
we sort of drifted.
Maybe Benny's tired from the flight.
Maybe all of us were just tired today.
But we are drifting and we know it.
I may not express well through words but
I definitely want to keep this friendship.
It's a process.
It's maturity, the process of growing up and understanding
each other more.
that maybe the us during 16 years old were mirages.
they were who we used to be, but not the real us.
That we only realized now
that maybe we shouldn't had been that close.
that it was all a mistake.
but to come this far, it says something.
Something that hopefully will last in years to come.
---
It all started with a small chat Azure, Andrew and I had.
What we wanted for our future and all.
I suddenly ask myself
if Architecture is the right thing for me.
Architecture doesn't make you money
it drives you insane with lack of sleep
it deprives you of freedom
it makes you a workaholic
all of that and in return is a simple satisfaction
of seeing your dreams coming to life.
It's passion that drives architects.
the question is, are you satisfied with just that passion and sense of achievement?
That you are willing to put in months of hard work
just to see your dreams come to life.
Maybe you can enjoy that for a day
but after that you move on.
The cycle repeats itself.
I thought about that and
i have to agree with what ernest said.
That we shouldn't think so far ahead.
Motto is simple.
Be better than yesterday.
yes. easy to say.
hard to achieve.
I realized part of me likes to see nice and interesting houses.
maybe everyone else does.
I realized that part of me like the solitary and office feel of working
in a studio for architects
maybe that's only in tv shows and never in real life.
Maybe I'm just dreaming.
Maybe I'm not.
I came to realize something
that maybe my desire to be engulf in work
is because I know I am a loner
that I don't like to be involved in crazy parties
and that I am not that fun of a person
It's because I only feel useful when I do my work
It's because the only way I can feel good about myself is being
committed to working hard.
Sometimes I feel really like a loser
because everyone else is always hanging out with friends
having fun, playing and enjoying themselves
yet I'd rather locked myself in a studio to do my work
Like I'm a real outcast and friendless.
It sounds really sad actually.
But that's just the way I am.
That's just it.
---
As you hear and see more things
you come to realize how fortunate of a person you are.
I have so many friends whose went through worst times than I did.
Sometimes I feel the need to strangle myself
of how much I had wasted my time on meaningless stuff.
But life is like these, nobody can be serious all the way
unless he is really that amazing of a person.
My dad came back from his China trip.
he was sick and that the next day he'd probably need to help out my mom for work
there I was thinking.
The day after a short break in China and he needs to work
How tiring is that?
to work immediately after holidays.
Then I thought of my mom
she's working hard I know
and then I remembered... She's 50.
probably 51 and she's working so hard.
I suddenly felt pitiful
That they had to be working so hard at their age.
At that point in time I really wanted
to take them out.
To bring them to have fun outside.
That the only way to do so is to work hard
and provide enough to bring them out
just to have fun and see the nicer places on earth.
It could've been my motivation
That I wanted them to enjoy themselves
after working so hard even at their age.
I feel bad.
even now.
I took so many things for granted.
Yet I'm slacking much.
I will regret I know
when they are probably gone
(touch wood. slap yourself YongXi.)
That I didn't do my best
to make it up to them
to repay them for all the years they put in
to raise me and my brothers.
In these few days I've really been thinking.
I just really hope that I can do my best
To be a better person
To be a successful person
To be a better son.
To be someone worthwhile
No, I don't yearn to be someone significant
but at least
to repay those whose make a difference in my life.
Yeah. that's it.
18 and still learning.
Maybe I haven't found out more things about myself
I know I will
and hopefully better of myself.
Good night.