Everyday is a thinking process for me.
I wonder about countless things
I like to observe and make my wild guesses.
I like to interpret a person's character
although most of the time I have no idea if I'm right.
---
Anyway
after yet another tough project
I found myself continuing to lack discipline.
But in the process I learned so much.
I went through more of autocad
the basics of presentation and etc
most importantly
was that I realize how much I needed to work on my mentality
I am patient with others but not myself
I took away my own opportunities to succeed
I gave up far too easily
that is an aspect I need to work on.
Currently with my 2 weeks of break
I am planning to try and keep myself more organized
Going to work soon
and hopefully that can give me a sense of urgency.
Heard that its a cafe and flexible hours
So I'm cool with it
The only difference this time is that I will work through school days too
only if I'm available.
It's worth it isn't it?
6.50 per hour?
Let's make the deal man.
Then again, interview's on monday so shan't be so sure yet.
---
Just a few minutes ago
I realized my dissatisfaction with myself
How I seem to envy many other people and look down on myself.
Let's say an ex classmate
Cheng Wei is a very straightforward person
we aren't exactly close but he always has that charisma in him.
That sort of a feeling girls may look out for or maybe even anyone at all
and it seems to come naturally for him.
I really envy that and sometimes I hope i had that in me.
but I don't.
My good friend Banjamin has a weird sense of humor
and I know many of the things he's got he's earned them.
He would spend many hours to achieve the results
That's a winning attitude to learn from.
Something my lack of discipline is depriving of.
My other good friend, Benny, is sensitive in the sense
which he easily understands how others feel.
I used to be like this... I think but not now.
It's like anyone can talk to him and he knows exactly how to reply you.
Understanding is a hard thing to do especially emotions because
everyone's has their own perspective.
There are others who I envy but I won't name them all here.
After all these I can tell and I know
I have this attribute of mine to wanna feel special
to wanna stand unique among the crowd.
But I don't really show it out because I don't feel that it's something
to show off about.
I don't seem to find any attribute in myself
that people look up to or are impressed with.
Maybe not a lot of people praised me.
It's always the usual from the adults.
You are filial you are a good boy etc etc.
That's good because those are good things.
I take them with pride because I am doing the right things.
Just that probably I feel that I don't have much talent at all.
Like a useless person.
Enough of self-pitying.
I need to appreciate life more.
As I always tell myself
18 and still growing.
Every mistake is a process
18 is not young, but neither is it old
everyday we grow, it's a life process till you die.
You may never truly understand life until you become old
so just keep living life to the fullest
or as the best you can.
So yeah
I have to take that attitude and live with it.
alright
off to sleep.
many things ahead.
good night.
I wonder about countless things
I like to observe and make my wild guesses.
I like to interpret a person's character
although most of the time I have no idea if I'm right.
---
Anyway
after yet another tough project
I found myself continuing to lack discipline.
But in the process I learned so much.
I went through more of autocad
the basics of presentation and etc
most importantly
was that I realize how much I needed to work on my mentality
I am patient with others but not myself
I took away my own opportunities to succeed
I gave up far too easily
that is an aspect I need to work on.
Currently with my 2 weeks of break
I am planning to try and keep myself more organized
Going to work soon
and hopefully that can give me a sense of urgency.
Heard that its a cafe and flexible hours
So I'm cool with it
The only difference this time is that I will work through school days too
only if I'm available.
It's worth it isn't it?
6.50 per hour?
Let's make the deal man.
Then again, interview's on monday so shan't be so sure yet.
---
Just a few minutes ago
I realized my dissatisfaction with myself
How I seem to envy many other people and look down on myself.
Let's say an ex classmate
Cheng Wei is a very straightforward person
we aren't exactly close but he always has that charisma in him.
That sort of a feeling girls may look out for or maybe even anyone at all
and it seems to come naturally for him.
I really envy that and sometimes I hope i had that in me.
but I don't.
My good friend Banjamin has a weird sense of humor
and I know many of the things he's got he's earned them.
He would spend many hours to achieve the results
That's a winning attitude to learn from.
Something my lack of discipline is depriving of.
My other good friend, Benny, is sensitive in the sense
which he easily understands how others feel.
I used to be like this... I think but not now.
It's like anyone can talk to him and he knows exactly how to reply you.
Understanding is a hard thing to do especially emotions because
everyone's has their own perspective.
There are others who I envy but I won't name them all here.
After all these I can tell and I know
I have this attribute of mine to wanna feel special
to wanna stand unique among the crowd.
But I don't really show it out because I don't feel that it's something
to show off about.
I don't seem to find any attribute in myself
that people look up to or are impressed with.
Maybe not a lot of people praised me.
It's always the usual from the adults.
You are filial you are a good boy etc etc.
That's good because those are good things.
I take them with pride because I am doing the right things.
Just that probably I feel that I don't have much talent at all.
Like a useless person.
Enough of self-pitying.
I need to appreciate life more.
As I always tell myself
18 and still growing.
Every mistake is a process
18 is not young, but neither is it old
everyday we grow, it's a life process till you die.
You may never truly understand life until you become old
so just keep living life to the fullest
or as the best you can.
So yeah
I have to take that attitude and live with it.
alright
off to sleep.
many things ahead.
good night.