When I feel tired all sorts of emo thoughts start coming to me
today happened to be one of those days

I don't know why
but I just feel tired

I really wonder what am I doing
No, nothing's wrong.
I just always question myself

It's like suddenly I lose the motivation to do anything.
I always wonder
why do I always need a purpose to do something?
Must everything I do be meaningful?
It's tiring sometimes.
I wanna stop that but I can't
It's just built in me.

Then I tell myself I shall take a break
then maybe those thoughts will go away
But no they seem to stay
It's like a never-ending cycle.

Then suddenly I thought
why am I always affected by the results and achievements in school

A lot of my friends put in a lot of effort
in their work
In other words, they are perfectionists
Yes they are supposed to drive you to work as well as them
but suddenly today it seemed different

It's like...
why must I follow?
I am a perfectionist too
But I suddenly feel like the whole results thing is overrated
Everything seems to be cycling around it

It's like you see someone put in much effort
and you wanna do the same
But it seems like its the effort and marks that attracts you instead
Shouldn't it be about integrity and willingness to learn?
I don't know
Even I am lost

I don't even know what the heck I am doing
Yes I should stop thinking
and just keep working
but what for?
It's like a robot.
You just do something cause you know it's supposed to be.
It doesn't make sense to me.

I know people probably feel like I've think far too much always
but it's just me.
I wanna do something because it's right to me
not because it's supposed to be.
It just feels... weird to be following everything.

But isn't that why life is tough?
because it sets 'rules' for what is to be
you have to follow or you will suffer
until you find a way to go around it doing your way

I don't know.
It's just been tiring.
I just wanna find an answer soon.