I came into this new semester hoping for a new attitude
I started off well
then as the days passed I lost my momentum.

I can say I secured the VPESS for a B at the minimal
but now I seem to be struggling for PDev
which is a core subject.

Maybe I hate my design
Maybe I am lazy
Maybe I am both

I whined.
I moaned.
I complained.
I did all sorts of rubbish I shouldn't
be allowing myself to do.

Yes I put alot of pressure on myself.
because i felt that I have to disciplined myself.
But as much as I did all those
They failed. I slacked and slacked.

There seemed to be no answers.
I am weak mentally
exactly what I wasn't thinking of myself as.
I give way to all sorts of pressure and think that i didn't.

Maybe it's really time
to stop thinking
about who's better than me
To not compete so much such that it gets all stressful

To stop wanting to be special and talented.
I realized no matter how hard I tried to disciplined
I end up letting the pressure get to me

I forgot the process
the process of learning
the process of enjoyment
It's all those.
School is just a thing now
It may determine who you are now
but definitely not in the future.

It's all about hard work
determination
and being passionate about what you do.
I know a part of me loves architecture
but I doubted myself.

I let all sorts of nonsense get to me.

The talented and stronger students.
They made me fear and not learn.
I should be learning from them because they are good.

Deadlines.
I keep thinking of producing work to submit
but as important as they are.
I shouldn't be submitting work for not wanting to fail.
It should be really submitting works that came from real hard work and sincerity.

So many things got to me.
I forgot all the important things.

I just need to tell myself
to let things come as they may.
To enjoy something you do is the best way you can learn.

I know i have been going in circles and it may never stop.
I just need to tell myself
If I will put my heart and soul into learning it
and just see where it goes from here.