I came to realize
I've lost some parts of me.
I lost track of certain things which I shouldn't have.
I really ought to do some reflection.
I forgotten what it meant to be strong.
I forgotten what it meant to rise upon challenges.
Like I used to be in secondary school,
never backing down from problems and just persevering on.
This new life i lead
somehow isn't making me any stronger.
Instead, I get more frustrated and start running away more.
This isn't the way to go.
I know it. I know myself.
I know my capability to withstand tough times and stand strong.
But somehow, I get more tired.
I also spend lesser time with my friends
from secondary school.
I feel bad sometimes but sometimes I really can't be bothered.
If any of you are reading this, it's not that I am not as concerned as before.
It's just. Face it. This is my new life.
I know what's the decision to make and I will make it.
I understand some of you
feel that if you guys can manage your tight schedules then so can I.
But hey, have you ever put yrself in my position?
To sometimes not sleep and just pull all-nighters to finish work.
Worst, sometimes you know you aren't supposed to sleep yet you just did.
then you wake up to blame yourself and put more stress onto yourself
telling and blaming yourself for sleeping.
Then you get all upset and fed-up because your work just looks like a piece of crap.
I don't wanna blame anyone.
Because I myself don't have that discipline in me.
Even when I do have free time
I will spend the time at home surfing net, watching movies and playing games.
It's my time to really chill out and sometimes I just wanna spend it alone.
I also feel like a asshole
when I can't be there for my friends at times.
When they need a listening ear or at least someone to accompany them.
Sometimes I am really busy
or just that I have my own problems.
Seriously, I feel so selfish.
But I realize doing things for people all the time is impossible.
It's just not possible to please everyone at times.
Worst of all, you are not even doing yourself a favor by pleasing yourself at the very least.
There are a lot of things on my mind.
But now's not the time to rant.
I have so many things to do by tmr.
A design concept for pcomdi.
A essay 2 pgs for pcomdi.
Continuing my p2 progress.
I hate it when I am stress and start behaving like a ranting brat.
I should be composed and doing my best.
I don't hate this life.
I just hate myself.
I hate myself for not being able to perform to standard.
To not be a good friend at times.
To be stressed up which can be annoying.
To not be discipline.
I hate how I am doing things now.
I hate that I am not performing the best I can.
The best that someone with all the capability can perform to.
I am disappointed in myself.
Nevermind.
I will pick myself up from here.
I need to be stronger.
This is only a small obstacle compared to other things
the unfortunate people face.
I need to be strong.
This is the best I can do.
Bye people.