No matter what happens. Just don't give up.

Every time I doubt myself

I will scold myself

Because I will expect that to be the paranoid side of me

working up again

I will expect that to be my low self confidence

working up again.

So I will tell myself to move on

But now it's really a huge question mark.

Or maybe I am just tired after not sleeping for a whole day.

Am I really really suited for this course?

I just look at the things I design

and it just looks weird to me

as though I'm not doing things right.

Maybe after 2 days of staring at the sketch-up

trying to sort out the spaces have made me sick and tired of this

that I no longer wished to think about anything related to design.

It's killing my motivation to continue designing.

I'm just fed-up

It's draining my life away.

I could not meet up with my friend

I haven't play basketball for nearly 3 weeks.

Tomorrow's TK trip I also cannot afford to go.

I mean, yeah of course

If I were to manage time I can do all these

But what the heck?

It's like.

Damn.

Whatever.

I'm too fed-up to talk about this.

Screw this shit

Hopefully a good night rest get this shitty feeling out of me.

I am back again :)

Guess today wasn't such a productive day :/

Played 2 NBA games at home and watched random videos.

BUT

I did went through the several websites Fatimah gave me

Really awesome websites.

Gave me lots of inspirations for my p2.

Then again, I'm kinda tired now.

So I guess i will just continue my work tomorrow.

Just wanna point out some observations.

I realized the owners of those webs

really have a love for architecture

You can sense their happiness in putting up those

wonderful visuals and thanking all their followers.

That really amused me.

Because being a designer, any kind of designer,

you basically live a busy holiday-less life.

And even in academic systems we can see how tiring this career is.

Yet, from these webs alone

I can sense their happiness in loving what they do.

Furthermore, these are real architects who can even

afford to post new pictures nearly every single day.

That goes to show how much they love their job.

This really taught me something new.

That loving what you do is very important

It drives you to be the best you can be.

Learning that

I need to tell myself to love what I learn

Because only then will I be able to come up with productive results.

I don't mind architecture.

The websites really inspired me.

Architecture can be so interesting

Not just buildings and functionality.

When you add interesting elements and creativity,

Architecture can be such a fun thing.

Really.

Just that I need the discipline to do well.

Alright.

Good night people!

Live life to the fullest!

Be yourself.

It's that important.

When people hate you, they hate you for who you are.

When they love you, they love you for who you are.

Most importantly

You are being true to yourself and everyone else around you.

That's what i always tell myself.

Then again

I will always re-evaluate to ensure myself

that while I'm being myself

I'm not a selfish individual.

---

Some people find that I'm a hard-worker.

Actually that's not the case.

I'm not as hardworking as you guys may think.

It's kinda dumb when you see someone working hard and yet producing borderline results.

Well, I'm that kind of person.

I know I'm not smart.

I know I take a longer time to absorb things

I know I need time to think about things.

And most of the time,

I take longer time to achieve results that many may achieve in shorter periods.

But that's all there is to working hard.

Because I know I need to work harder to make up for what I am not.

So don't look at me and think I'm good.

I'm just working harder because I know I am not a genius.

Haven't been getting enough rest

for quite a while.

There's been this on and off feverish feeling

inside me for the past few days.

Shall do some self-updating..

CDI is on the verge of completion.

We've been on a good progress which is awesome.

Somethings happened today and it kind of

affected me a little

but I can't let my emotions go wild.

just tell myself

Gotta finish the project no matter what happens.

P2 however, is on the slow track.

Plan is to

1) Get some rest tonight and recharge

2) Spend the saturday clearing my head and get ahold of the concept

3) Sunday morning help out my mom, after which continue my work at home

4) Monday get back to school and start whacking many many models

All these plans mean

I have to skip basketball tomorrow

and theres this BBQ on monday

I'm still pondering to go or not,

because going will mean a whole day wasted

or I could at the least go for the BBQ at night.

Many things to be done by Wednesday.

I know I can do this

Just need to discipline myself.

---

I used to think that I was mature

like in secondary school especially

Because I was able to understand things better than people

Coming to poly

I realized i am wrong after all.

I ain't that mature after all.

I'm still 18.

I still can't define what maturity is.

All I know is that I will learn as I live.

I'm just 18 after all :)

I was watching one episode of

Stars for a cause II

this celebrity was spending time

helping out at a center for down-syndrome kids.

He said something that couldn't be put any nicer.

He felt that he was fortunate to be normal.

And being normal, it just means the more we should do our jobs as normal people

More we should be caring and making the best of what we have.

That statement he made really moved me.

Shouldn't we all think like that?

To be happy with what we have and make the best of them.

It's alright to complain, everyone does that.

However, think for a second.

If you learn to forgive and forget

I'm sure we will all realize that life feels a lot better.

2 weeks holidays are here.

But it's going to be mixed fun and work.

Yeah. have fun and do school work at the same time.

CDI went pretty well.

There weren't much praises but at least there weren't much negative comments either

p2 however, needs some catching up

because I'm still lost for the concept.

I've gotten some ideas how to work it out

so I just need to sit myself down

and sort things out.

---

Now

I have some things to blog about.

I came to realize, I've pretty much changed.

I've became a much cheerful person.

I used to be alone a lot.

Constantly thinking a lot to myself, about the world and such.

Don't worry though, not suicide.

That idea will never come to me.

It's more about the world and how sometimes I wished it could turned out instead.

My friends I hang out with

I realized i think less when I'm with them.

Nah, it isn't bad.

It's good actually, somehow, I've become a much positive person.

yesterday as I made my way to Marina to meet some peeps

I was doing my usual thing, my habit

observing people and then thinking about things.

The old people and unfortunate ones especially.

I used to have the thinking

that I didn't want to know about the killings

the sad things around the world

I felt that it would be an insult to them.

To those unfortunate people

that I dig my nose in to see how unlucky they were.

Now, 18 years old as I am.

I came to realize that was foolish of me.

It wasn't about the feelings of insulting them

It should be about the need to know.

The need to know means a need to care.

It means a need to understand and then learn

It was about learning them and then taking a step further

to see if you can make a difference from it.

As I thought about that.

I told myself

I am lucky to be able to have fun.

Whether or not you are good at something

like playing basketball like a pro

or even the simplest of sharing a laughter with your friends.

You are fortunate.

To even have the time, the small one minute of happiness

to be happy with your friends.

You are fortunate.

But don't stop there.

Make it worthwhile

spread that to someone else.

Because when you have the time to have fun

do something good and share that time to help someone else.

Never forget being compassionate.

It sounds gay or sissy to some of you

but think about it.

While you are thinking about yourself the whole time

don't forget what you have

is because someone before you left it for you.

The least you can ever do

is to leave something behind for the next generation.

I'm here to remind myself

to pour out all the unnecessary thoughts

Because I know I can accomplish some great things in these 2 months.

I know I can work out p2

and I know my group can work out CDI.

We are so darn gonna make this work out.

We'll prove to ourselves and the doubters

that we can achieve something

We can so darn gonna make this a reality.

At the end of the day

we will hold our heads up

and be contented with what we done.

It makes a ton of difference

when you believe in what you do.

I'm not gonna lie.

I am tired now.

I have skipped basketball alternate weeks

includes tomorrow.

To cope with my tight schedule

this is what I have to do

I don't regret it though.

Because the sense of achievement you will get is far greater

As of now

this is what I have to cope

External project and school major project.

plus, if the external project becomes a success

it becomes such a huge portfolio for me

because it will become a real existing space.

A real space.

REAL.

I doubted myself

if I was stupid to take on the external project.

I didn't wanna look stupid.

In fact,

I hate looking ashamed.

A few days ago

I was pissed off.

pissed off with some comments made.

That fired me up.

That was a wake up call.

I'm going to prove to you

that I didn't take the project to look miserable.

I didn't take it to end up looking like a fool.

Most of all

this is to prove to myself.

I didn't take this on to screw up.

Nope.

I am going to prove to myself.

Just another happy moment in class :D